I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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