Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
