Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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