I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
