Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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