The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
