i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
