Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i drank out of a bidet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
