I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
