do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
