Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
