Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
