I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
