Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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