she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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