you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
