VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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