hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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