She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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