You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
