All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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