I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
