I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
