Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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