she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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