Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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