I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we're chasing vodka with high fives
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
