im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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