Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
