have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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