That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
