And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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