Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
