If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
