I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
