Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
