I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
