I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
