You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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