how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
