I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They took my balls.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
