Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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