You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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