I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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