woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
