ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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