Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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