also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
