I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
