Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
