is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
