Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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