I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
