You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
