Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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