i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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