I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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