That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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