Just fell off a train. Bad.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
