Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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