she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
