so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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