So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
