She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
