Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
