You made me cry and you don't even care
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
