this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
