Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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