I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
