do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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