Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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