I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
